I am a bisexual woman IN a heterosexual pair bonded relationship. Your rules would preclude me from having *any* friendships. Any. At all. No close, intimate friendships except with my husband. Because I MAY become sexually attracted to somebody.

And the article you linked said I can’t have friends at all, ever, not real friends, because it might turn into a romance at any time…

…and that is complete BS. Toxic BS. There’s a lot of “Thou shalt only have friends of the gender thou art not attracted to” out there.

It is BS that straight men can’t spend time with women without wanting to have sex with them…or, in many cases, an excuse. “It’s only natural. We can’t help it.”

I’m also finding a lot more. For example, according to this one, you should only drink with genders you aren’t attracted to, should give your spouse all of your device and account passwords (https://taylorcounselinggroup.com/blog/boundaries-in-marriage-engaging-with-the-opposite-sex/)

Again, it’s about trust.

To me, there is zero difference between same sex friendships and opposite sex ones. Are straight people really so weak?

I just read this article (https://researchbank.swinburne.edu.au/file/5fa9a026-67b2-487d-b868-8da7752d6ef7/1/Marie-Claire%20McCubbery%20Thesis.pdf) and my takeaways are:

1. Only a small minority of men and women are highly attracted to an opposite sex friend. I suspect this shows that we tend to choose friends we are not particularly attracted to and I know I feel more comfortable being friends with somebody who isn’t my type than with somebody who is. The base assumption that any friendship is going to lead to sexual attraction is wrong.
2. Society is unwilling to allow opposite sex friendships except as a stage in the coupling process. Queer people show great evidence that this is not the case. Friendships don’t turn into romance and romance is not “more than” friendship. They are both important.
3. Marriage negatively impacts opposite sex relationships far more than the reverse.

I don’t have time to read the rest now as it’s practically a young book, but it’s my theory that damage is done by #2. We are indoctrinated to think that we can’t have a friendship with somebody of a gender we are attracted to without wanting to sleep with them, and that can, of course, become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But we would all be better off if we acknowledged that we need a network, especially those who don’t have a healthy genetic family to fall back on.

Also, there are undoubtedly some people who, because of their attachment style, have genuine issues supporting opposite-sex friendships or tolerating the same in their spouse. REAL problems ensue when these people get into relationships with bisexual people, and I am fairly sure that is one of the causes of the higher level of abuse.

Finally, I’d add that an inability to trust one’s partner with friends is an indication of a problem with the marriage and we can’t assume that having friends is what leads to the affair when it could be that dissatisfaction with the relationship has pushed what would otherwise be a completely platonic friendship over the line.