Thank you! I had somebody judge me for putting my father in elder care.

I live on another continent. Immigration will not allow my husband to live in the U.K. without jumping through hoops.

To look after my father I would have had to:

1. Withdraw every penny of our retirement savings.

2. Spend it on a single level house in the U.K.

3. Move there without my husband, knowing we could not be together again until my father died.

4. Become a full time caregiver for my father for whatever time he has left. Full time. No work, no free time, *because he can't be left alone ever*. I would have to somehow instantly learn safe restraint, because he sometimes needs to be restrained.

5. Sell the house when my father died. Hope nothing happened to my husband, whom I would be leaving with barely enough money to survive on in the high cost of living area he's commute-leashed to.

Of the other members of my family, my aunt lives in an unsuitable home and can't afford to move to a single level home (my dad can't really do stairs anymore). One of my cousins is disabled and the other is going through a nasty divorce.

Sometimes you really do have to turn things over to the professionals. People argue that anyone who ever puts a relative in elder care is literally evil, but sometimes it's the only feasible option.