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Toxic Monogamy and Opposite Sex Friendships
When I was in college I had a male friend. I don’t remember his name…I remember everything else, including entire conversations we had, because autism. (If I forget your name, trust me, I remember you, just not the arbitrary word attached to you).
Let’s call him Phil. Phil was a very nice guy, outgoing, a great listener. He was also very, very hot. I had a strong physical attraction to Phil.
We were friends for three years then lost touch after graduation.
Did I ever sleep with Phil? No. Did I want to? Sometimes. Was I tempted to? Never.
Why?
Because Phil was celibate.
Phil planned on becoming a Catholic priest and while he had not yet taken a formal vow of celibacy, he was already living as a celibate. He set that boundary with everyone he met, or at least every woman he met. If they couldn’t respect it, then they couldn’t be his friend.
I haven’t thought much about Phil in years, but the memory was brought up by somebody bringing out the tired argument that married people “must never have opposite sex friends because it always turns into an affair.”
This person also claimed there was a lot of research. When I started citing research that disagreed they, of course, closed comments.
(Then again, we were in grave danger of arguing in circles, so I don’t entirely disagree with that course of action).
Or maybe they were offended by me asking this question: Are straight people so weak? They did say they didn’t have any interest in understanding bisexual people…
Friendship and Sexual Attraction
I’m bisexual in the old, broad sense. I am attracted to people of any gender. To me, there is no difference between an opposite sex friend and a same sex friend.
None.
If an opposite sex friend is a threat to the marriage of a straight person, then any friend is a threat to the marriage of a bisexual person. (And this ties into something else).
When gender isn’t necessarily a barrier to sexual attraction, any deep, intimate friendship becomes “a threat.”
